all i want to do is cry and cry and cry, i cant eat, every time i do it goes wrong, it”s all very well people saying to just be healthy - but that does NOT fucking work. i lost so much weight but with out birthday meal put it all back on, nothing is going right, i want to quit uni but there is no job i’d be able to get, i can’t do anything, i have a constant headache and i never leave my bed, i can’t and i even refuse to leave the house. the thought of getting dressed terrifies my as all i do is look like blob of fat in everything. i had an absolutely terrible birthday too - nothing is going right. i’ve even quit modelling now, i can’t hack it, all i want to do with my life is stop eating until i die, and that’s no exaggeration.
i allowed myself to eat more
soup
apple
4 crackers (two with peanut butter, 2 with marmite)
total: 313kls
i don’t know whether to allow myself anything else
so today
i’ve had banana and corn flakes - like 250kls
soup 204kls
bread: 250kls
and thats all i’m having
704kls
in my defense that photo was on a full stomach so i’ll take one tomorrow morning :)
then and now, need that back!
smallest, biggest, current
Ok so i’ve eaten
a kiwi 48kls
i was meant to have a bowl of tuna but only had about a sixth 50kls
a salad (but there was croutons and dressing and meat) calling it 280kls to be safe
total of 378kls
so i think, just today as i’m ill, i’ll allow myseld another 120kls for soup
making today 498kls
edit: i regret the soup
2 laxies it is
so i took my measurements for you all
arms: 11.5 (down from 12) (used to be 9.5)
bust: 34 (down from 36) (used to be 32)
waist: 28.5 (down from 31) (used to be 24)
hips: 36 (used to be 34)
thighs: 21.5 (down from 23) (used to be 19)
calves: 14 (down from 15) (used to be 13.5)
I have 3 weeks to drop as much as physically possible
That means no more than 500kls for all but one day of the week (for the metabolism) and exercise galore. It’s going to be a tricky one this.
that means i’m going to try and get myself out of having dinner as much as i can.
I still have my diet pills and laxatives but i shouldn’t really need the latter of them if i don’t binge.
This is going to be hard but i want my birthday to be perfect.
